tell myself don touch da com but i still touceh it. FUCK. lol






im thinking bout many things now
thinking bout the things i've done before.
poof. the first thing dat comes into my mind are relationships.
all i ever wanted was to protect da one i loved, was to shower endless love onto dat person.
but maybe i jus wasn't cut out for relationships cause it always seems to go wrong in da end.
i really don know wad wrong things have i done.
wad grave mistakes did i make.
initiated da break in my previous previous r/s and i dint noe it felt dat bad till i did it. by then its too late.
my previous one, i don know wad else to say.
both of us ended up as enemies. only hate surfaces in her mind when i appear i guess.
i wan 2 hate her too. can say i've hated her for a few mths i think.
somehow i jus cant hate someone for long.
i'll always be da one apologising in da end.
to me pride isnt worth much but friends are.
i don wanna lose any friends.
although till now i still feel much hurt after da previous incident, i jus wan 2 put it behind me n start all over again.
i know dats kinda impossible. im not hoping at all.
i just cant hate! fucking hell cant.

my mind jus tells me 2 say sorry 2 u
but nth will ever turn back time.
why cant we all live without grievances? without pain? without sorrow?
be nice 2 ppl n ppl will be nice 2 u.
i tried. i really freaking tried every single shit i can think of.
in da end, not a single meanng of da sentence is true.
i get ignored. i get scolded. i get humliated.
i tried 2 jus bear with everything but i couldnt.
i jus burst.
couldnt hold it anymore.
by bursting i hurt her again.
probably till da point of no return.
i don know wad else 2 do.
i don know how else 2 take another r/s.
i don have da confidence i used 2 have anymore.
it must be my life's most pessismistic period.

but i wont show it 2 anyone.
unsightly.