Sunday, October 19, 2008
somehow whenever i look at other people's blogs, i look at myself and compare.
some have a great partner. they enjoy each other's company.
others either are heartbroken or don't even bother.
i ask myself. why are you not able to be like those happy ones? why are your relationships always a dead one in the end? what have you done wrong everytime?
there is no doubt that i feel envious of the happy ones. all i ever wanted was to treat the person i loved the bestest way i could. shower endless love on her.
maybe. maybe this wasn't the way to love. i don't know how else anymore.
now. i have a fear. fear of loving someone. fear of trusting another completely.
in a relationship, trust is very important. i no longer have the fire in me that yearns for a relationship. instead i want to dodge as many of them as possible. because of the fact that i know i can't give my all and the person will probably be hurt.
i tell myself to just go and play with people's feelings like how mine was played so many times before. everytime i want to go, i just can't bring myself to do it. i cannot devote time to someone that i don't have feelings for.
tell me. how can someone's feelings change over a few days? i still feel dumbfounded till now.
she left me. for another guy. although she can't be with him too. but its a complete change of feelings. how?
i should be angry. i should hate her.
but she appears in my mind every now and then.
for me. i guess its hard. to forget. someone.
some have a great partner. they enjoy each other's company.
others either are heartbroken or don't even bother.
i ask myself. why are you not able to be like those happy ones? why are your relationships always a dead one in the end? what have you done wrong everytime?
there is no doubt that i feel envious of the happy ones. all i ever wanted was to treat the person i loved the bestest way i could. shower endless love on her.
maybe. maybe this wasn't the way to love. i don't know how else anymore.
now. i have a fear. fear of loving someone. fear of trusting another completely.
in a relationship, trust is very important. i no longer have the fire in me that yearns for a relationship. instead i want to dodge as many of them as possible. because of the fact that i know i can't give my all and the person will probably be hurt.
i tell myself to just go and play with people's feelings like how mine was played so many times before. everytime i want to go, i just can't bring myself to do it. i cannot devote time to someone that i don't have feelings for.
tell me. how can someone's feelings change over a few days? i still feel dumbfounded till now.
she left me. for another guy. although she can't be with him too. but its a complete change of feelings. how?
i should be angry. i should hate her.
but she appears in my mind every now and then.
for me. i guess its hard. to forget. someone.
Super Marcus signed off at 3:28 AM