Monday, July 7, 2008
everynight i cant sleep. siannn. i feel so tired but yet i'll end up flipping in da bed. haha. by da time i noe it its time 2 wake up already:( oh man i've nv had insomnia before la. first time i have eye bags too. UGLY!
i cant afford 2 have any free time where i have nth 2 do at all. my mind will start 2 think of everything n i noe i cant do dat now. i must b strong. dis is only da beginning. when i see her in sch i must use all means 2 get away frm her. i understand myself well dat once i talk 2 her, i'll nv b able 2 give up again. probably she understood it too dats y shes ignoring me. but i really hope someday we'll b able 2 talk 2 each other again. i will always welcome her 2 talk 2 me anytime.
while im typing here, i can feel dat my heart is telling me dat i still wan her back. bui i cant! i cant! i cant do it. for her sake i cant do it. i once told her if i was in da way btwn her n her parents i would leave. i cant take back wad i said now. so many times i wanted 2 sms her, call her but i cant! its tearing my heart apart everytime n whenever i cry, i think bout wad someone told me. 'why do u cry? deres no use in crying.' n i try 2 fight back my tears. sometimes i win, sometimes i just feel hopeless. i will think n convince myself dat shes better dis way. i will think of her being happy n think of her smiling happily. dat will make me smile too:)
i told her dat i had a bad feeling before dat we may end soon. somehow da bad feeling came true sooner den expected. im lucky dat i cherished every tiny little moment with her. whenever i was with her i told myself dat i had 2 give her da best n give her all my love n care. i dint wan 2 have any regrets. and i noe now dat i've done all i could n breaking up was da wisest choice afterall.
for now, i'd do anything 2 ensure dat she'll remain happy, even if im not included in her life.
i cant afford 2 have any free time where i have nth 2 do at all. my mind will start 2 think of everything n i noe i cant do dat now. i must b strong. dis is only da beginning. when i see her in sch i must use all means 2 get away frm her. i understand myself well dat once i talk 2 her, i'll nv b able 2 give up again. probably she understood it too dats y shes ignoring me. but i really hope someday we'll b able 2 talk 2 each other again. i will always welcome her 2 talk 2 me anytime.
while im typing here, i can feel dat my heart is telling me dat i still wan her back. bui i cant! i cant! i cant do it. for her sake i cant do it. i once told her if i was in da way btwn her n her parents i would leave. i cant take back wad i said now. so many times i wanted 2 sms her, call her but i cant! its tearing my heart apart everytime n whenever i cry, i think bout wad someone told me. 'why do u cry? deres no use in crying.' n i try 2 fight back my tears. sometimes i win, sometimes i just feel hopeless. i will think n convince myself dat shes better dis way. i will think of her being happy n think of her smiling happily. dat will make me smile too:)
i told her dat i had a bad feeling before dat we may end soon. somehow da bad feeling came true sooner den expected. im lucky dat i cherished every tiny little moment with her. whenever i was with her i told myself dat i had 2 give her da best n give her all my love n care. i dint wan 2 have any regrets. and i noe now dat i've done all i could n breaking up was da wisest choice afterall.
for now, i'd do anything 2 ensure dat she'll remain happy, even if im not included in her life.
Super Marcus signed off at 10:43 PM